Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
