when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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