you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize