Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
