I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
