he puts the penis in happiness.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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