Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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