I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
