Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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