Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize