the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
