i wish there were pregnant emoticons
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I FOUND THE LEGS
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
