Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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