Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
