handjob tips. give me some.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
