nut hugger
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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