Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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