What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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