Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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