How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just want to make out with him forever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
