pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
