Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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