we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Found your dick twin last night
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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