I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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