I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
