I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
