Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this just has baby written all over it
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
