Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
