I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
