We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
