Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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