tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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