dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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