We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
