party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
