we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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