So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
