All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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