How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
