You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
