I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
