Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize