he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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