RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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