I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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