Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
