My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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