now i know why i became what i already was.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
