I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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