I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
