how can u be prego again
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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