I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
