she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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