A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
