I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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