Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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