He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
