Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
