Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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