either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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