I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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