she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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