Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
