Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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