Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
