i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize