There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
