He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
