that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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